Find A Way
by purplepagoda
Summary: Nick confesses the truth to Catherine. Will they ever be together? Is there really a way for them to be together, or is he just dreaming? Could this fantasy ever be a reality? Things that are meant to be always find a way.
1. Find a Way

Sunday June 28th : When she walks into the locker room she hears him singing. She listens at the doorway, knowing that they're the only two left.

"Hold on, What's the rush? What's the rush? We're not done away, cause I don't need to change this...atmosphere we made if you can stay one more hour. Can you stay one more hour? You know I'm gonna find a way to let you have your way with me. You know I'm gonna find the time to catch you and make you stay. Hold on... I'll be there when it's all done, you know. Cause what's the point of chasing if I can't enjoy your face, and we can be wrong tonight. Can we be wrong tonight?"

She slowly sneaks up behind him. She grins as she pulls the earbuds out of his ears. He looks up at her and finds her smiling ear to ear. She chokes back a laugh and finally gains enough composure to ask, "Whatcha singing Nicky boy?"

"It's nothing," he answers with bright red cheeks.

"No I'm curious what were you singing?" she asks him.

"It's called Find a way, by a band you've probably never heard of."

"I do have a teenager," she reminds him.

"SafetySuit, I didn't think that I'd like them, but they sort of grew on me."

"What other songs do they sing?"

"Stay..."

"I think that I may have heard that one," she admits.

"So are you headed home?" he asks innocently enough.

"I had planned on it why?"

"I thought that you might be hungry, we could go for a bite."

"I am, but I'd sort of like to be at home."

"Yeah I can understand that."

"Although my house is a little quiet right now, Lindsey is at the beach with a buddy. Why don't you come over? I'll make you breakfast," she offers.

"You actually know how to cook? I mean I know you can cook Jello but that doesn't really count." he jokes.

"I'm actually a very good cook, just don't let anyone else know."

"What's your specialty?"

"Breakfast."

"Ok, I'll meet you there," he agrees.

He stops to get gas on his way to her house. She's already in the kitchen when he knocks on her door.

"Nick come in," she hollers.

He opens the door, and follows her voice to the kitchen.

"Don't be a stranger," she tells him.

"What smells so good?" he asks her.

"French toast."

"It's been forever since I've had french toast, I'd venture to say that it's been five years."

"Well I'll have to fix that won't I?"

"Yeah."

"Nick what's on your mind? You've been awfully quiet lately."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"Have you ever been tempted to date someone at the lab?"

"Why do you ask? Are you tempted?"

"No well... it's just how are you supposed to meet anyone outside of the lab? I mean it's hard to have time for any sort of relationship, especially considering the crazy hours."

"I know," she answers him.

"I know that it's stupid, but..."

"Nick don't worry about it."

"I'm not saying that I am tempted, but what if I were? What would happen if I worked with them?"

"Ecklie would launch and investigation and sell the story to the first tabloid that came along," she jokes.

"Seriously, what would happen?"

"What they don't know can't hurt them. If you get in a situation where it might be a conflict of interest you could always just take yourself out of it. I personally don't agree with dating a co-worker, things get messy but... to each their own."

"I don't feel right about hiding something like that."

"Sara and Grissom... I love them, but they're idiots. Everyone knew."

"I didn't know," Nick argues.

"Just about everyone knew. They thought that they were being sneaky, but they weren't."

"So how do you hide something like that?"

"Leave your personal life at the door when you walk in. At work it's your colleague, at home, it's... whoever."

"Ok."

"You're not after Wendy are you because..."

"No, I wouldn't want to upset Hodges, he might go postal."

She puts two plates on the table. She returns to the refrigerator and looks around.

"I don't have any milk is orange juice ok or do you want something else?"

"Orange juice is fine," he answers.

She returns with two glasses of orange juice and a bottle of syrup. She quickly sits them down, and goes back for the butter and silverware. Finally she sits down, and they begin to eat. They eat in silence, neither of them looking at the other.

Catherine looks up from her plate and finds Nick staring at her.

"What?" she asks him.

"Nothing," he answers her with a goofy smile on his face.

"Are you sure?"

"It's nothing. I'll tell you later."

"Why later?"

"I..."

She puts her fork down and looks at him. He can't take his eyes off of her. He gulps and before he knows it words are coming out of his mouth.

"You're beautiful," he tells her.

She says nothing, she waits for him to elaborate.

"Catherine I... this is awkward."

"What's awkward?"

"It's just...I don't think I've done a very good job of hiding that I'm attracted to you."

She smiles at him.

"I guess I've just been thinking, wondering really, if we'd be any good together."

"In bed?" she raises an eyebrow.

"As a couple," he answers like a gentlemen.

"Oh."

"Look I don't... I'm not asking for anything. I'm just letting you know. I needed to get it off my chest."

Catherine says nothing.

"I've got to get going. I'm exhausted I need to get to bed it was a long day."

"Yeah," she nods.

He heads for the door. He stops and turns just before reaching the door. "Breakfast was great, thanks. But you should be careful who you cook for. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

He leaves her dumbfounded at her kitchen table, staring past a bottle of syrup to his previously occupied seat.


	2. I Know You Want Me

Nick is halfway asleep when he hears a knock at his door. He wanders through his apartment to the door. He wipes his eyes, and looks out the peephole. He unchains, and unbolts the door, and opens it. A strawberry blonde walks in with more than she can carry.

"Let me grab that," he takes a drink carrier from her. He places on the counter. She places her bag there too.

"What are you doing here?" he asks her.

"I thought I'd stop by with some food. You didn't eat very much breakfast and I thought that you'd might be hungry."

He smiles at her, "That's sweet. What'd you bring me?"

"Cheeseburger and fries," she answers.

"My favorite," he smiles.

"Yeah I know," she admits.

He stands there entranced. Her voice brings him back to reality. "I'm sorry about earlier today," she tells him.

"It's ok."

"No, it's not. It's not ok for you to say something like that to somebody, and have them not respond."

"It's ok," he promises.

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have anything to be sorry about Cath."

"It's just that... I was a little bit shocked," she admits.

"Yeah..."

"Not about what you said, just that you said it."

"So you knew?"

"I had a feeling."

"I'm sorry to have put you in that position. I'm sorry to ever put you in an uncomfortable position."

"It's ok."

"Are we good?" he asks.

"Nick..." her voice cracks before she can continue, "I'm not good at this. Things they always go wrong. I've been hurt a lot, I've also broken a few hearts. I...for whatever reason it seems that I like to sabotage things for myself. I think I must be content in my state of frustration and misery."

He stops her, "I don't think that... I don't want to jeopardize anything for you. I know how hard you've worked. I don't want you... I know that you don't feel obligated, but if you did, don't."

"I don't," she says too quickly.

"That's good," he answers, a little hurt.

"You... you're a good guy I don't want to start something with you that will only end badly."

"Who said it has to end?"

"Everything ends. And if... when this ended badly I'd lose an incredible friend, and a great investigator. I just can't do that."

"Understood."

"But don't think that I haven't thought about it a time or two," she smiles at him with fire in her eyes.

"What did you get to drink?"

"Coke. Why?"

"You know what would go great with the burgers and coke?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"Maybe a little Jack Daniel's. It will make this situation a hell of a lot less weird."

"Ok," she nods.

"And maybe we can forget that this ever happened?"

"Well we can certainly try."

He pulls a fresh bottle of liquor out of his cabinet. He takes the two cups full of cup and empties them both partway. He hands one cup to Catherine after pouring in some Jack Daniel's.

"You know that if I drink all of this I won't be able to drive myself home. I might not even be able to stand up."

"Don't sell yourself short. You can hold your liquor just fine ma'am."

"Yeah but if I get in my car and crash I'll leave my kid without any parents."

"So I'll call you cab, or you can crash on my couch."

"Ok," she rolls her eyes sipping the drink through a straw from a Styrofoam cup.

The sun rises too early the next morning. The light coming in the blinds nearly blinds her. The light, the dizziness, and the throbbing headache, nearly render her immobile. Half-awake, she stumbles into the bathroom, and opens the medicine cabinet. She opens the bottle and swallows a few. She puts the bottle back in the medicine cabinet. She looks in the mirror.

She finds smeared mascara, and something that once, could have resembled her hair. She groans inwardly. She takes a breath, and turns on the faucet. She rinses her face with cold water, in hopes of waking up. She takes another look in the mirror. She finds that she's dressed in a white t-shirt. She studies the mirror. Not herself, her reflection in the mirror, but rather the background.

"Where am I?" she asks herself very quietly. She turns around and looks at the bathroom. The cold tile on her bare feet jolts her into reality. She sits down on the bathtub to put things together. "What did I do last nigh?" she questions herself hoping that she was wrong.

She returns to the bedroom and gathers her under garments. She slips off the t-shirt, and pulls on her bra and panties. She follows a trail of clothing out into the hall, dressing as she goes. She slips her shoes on by the kitchen, and grabs her purse from the counter. She quietly slips out the door, locking the door behind her. She get to her car, and locks herself in. She turns the keys in the ignition. She allows her head to rest on the steering wheel. After a few seconds she turns on the air, and the radio. She puts in a piece of gum, and puts the car into drive. Pulling out of the space she had backed into the night before.

When Nick wakes up it's after noon. He finds himself alone in bed, with a hangover, and no memory of the night before.

By noon Catherine was showered, in pajamas, asleep in her own bed. She's been asleep in her own bed, by herself for an hour and a half when her phone rings. Face down she feels for the phone with her eyes closed. Finally she grabs her cell phone. She manages to flip it open and pull it to her ear.

"Hello?" she answers.

"Hey mom it's me."

"Hi Linds. What's up?"

"Nothing. I'm just calling to check in, to tell you that I'm still alive."

"Are you having a good time?"

"I'm have a great time. The beach is so pretty, and there are a ton of cute guys."

"Just look," she warns.

"Yeah mom, I know. I'm behaving. Any way I got to go, Molly wants to go get ice cream?"

"Is there a cute boy selling it?"

"Cute? No, he's gorgeous," she answers.

"Bye Lindsey. Be good. I love you."

"Love you too," she hangs up.

Catherine closes the phone, and rolls over. She opens her eyes and looks around. Her room is dark. She looks at the clock to find that it reads 1:38 P.M. She gets up, and wonders to the window. She pulls back the curtains and finds dark storm clouds overhead. She shrugs, thinking nothing of it, and heads down the stairs for coffee.


	3. Something I said

After another long day Catherine heads home. She finds it empty, dark and quiet. She finds herself alone and tired of being so. She takes a shower and contemplates what she wants to do. She heads to the kitchen, to tired to go out. She finds a bottle of tequila and grabs a glass. She stares at the bottle for a very long time.

This was not how she spend her life. She didn't want to be alone. She didn't want to drown her sorrows. She knew that the answer was not at the bottom of a bottle no matter how much she wanted it to be. The answers wasn't something she could inhale, or drink. She found it very easy to think of what the answer wasn't, but finding the answer wasn't so simple. She puts the bottle back and leaves the glass on the counter.

Nick Stokes arrives home to his bachelor pad. He finds no messages on his phone. He hits the shower. He plops down on his couch and flips on the T.V. This place was too quiet. He wanted someone to come home to. At this point it didn't even matter who that someone was. He flips through the channels and finds nothing to watch. Frustrated, and exhausted he turns the T.V. off. He grabs his phone off the counter. He stares at it silently.

She tries to find something to keep her occupied. She tosses some laundry in the washer and collects the dry laundry from the dryer. She takes the basket of clean laundry to the living room. She finds her purse sitting on the coffee table. She pulls out her phone. As she mindlessly folds laundry she thinks about him. She wonders what he's doing.

He smiles thinking of the last time he'd seen her outside of work. She hadn't shot him down, not completely. He wasn't sure that she believed him when he said that he didn't want it to end. He didn't believe he'd let slip away so easily.

If she was just his co-worker, and not his boss. Then maybe they could be together, in a relationship. They had already been together in bed, despite her best efforts to prevent it. Had he remembered? Who was she kidding? He didn't know. He hadn't said anything, and he wouldn't. She wouldn't tell him, there was no reason.

He finds himself wondering what she'd be like. She had been a stripper and.... not that it was the only reason he wanted her. He didn't just want her for sex, even though he was certain that it would be incredible. If only she had been in his bed that morning. If only they had been together.

At first she felt ashamed, and guilty, but that had passed. The details were very blurry at first, but they had eventually come back to her. He compared her to one of the big boys, but the truth was she could out drink every last one of them. She always remembered too, even if it wasn't immediate. It was a talent, a gift, one that she didn't always care to have. Sometimes she just wanted to forget. She wanted to forget the things that she'd done wrong. What was the point of remembering if no one else could? She thinks back to that night.

_Sunday June 28__th__: They had talked and laughed for hours. The burgers were gone and the cups had been emptied... more than once. He looks at her with that look. She'd seen it so many times before. _

"_Catherine," he smiles at her._"_What Nick?"_

"_You know I've never seen you dance."_

"_Sure you have."_

"_But not with your clothes off."_

"_You want me to strip for you?"_

"_I'm a good tipper," he tells her._

"_I don't think so," she shakes her head._

"_Please. Just this once. I won't tell anyone," he promises._

"_I'm your boss," she reminds him._

"_So? C'mon. Humor me," he begs._

"_Nick..."_

"_Catherine I promise I'll behave."_

"_I doubt that."_

"_I will," he vows._

"_You want me to strip for you?"_

"_Take it all off," he tempts her._

_She rolls her eyes and pulls her pony tail out of her hair. She slips out of her shoes. He watches her intently. She starts to unbutton but he stops her. He pulls her in. He cups her face and kisses her. When he lets her up for air she finds herself speechless. "You know on second thought. It might be better if I did it for you."_

"_You're going to strip for me? Now that's something that I'd like to see."_

"_Not what I meant," he tells her as he slowly begins unbuttoning her shirt._

"_I see," she smiles. She pulls him closer and unbuckles his belt. _

_Before she can have a second thought they're almost in his bedroom, with barely anything between them. She holds his face as she kisses him. She stops in front of his bed._

_"Second thoughts?" he asks her._

_She shakes her head. "No."_

_"So what's wrong?" he questions._

_"Are you going to help me out of this bra or not?"_

_He smiles and moves in closer to unfasten her bra. As he unfastens the bra she whispers seductively in his ear, "You're right this is better."  
__~~~~~  
_He had always wondered what it'd be like to see her dance. He flips open his phone and dials his number.

She stares at her phone trying to will it to ring.

He hangs up before it can ring. He didn't want to bother her. Besides she was probably busy. She was probably out at a bar, or something. She was perfect there was no reason not for her to have any man she wanted. He was sure that she wasn't alone.

She sighs in defeat and heads up the stairs to her bedroom for another sleepless night. After a quick shower and her nightly beauty regimen she crawls into bed alone. She rubs her temples trying to make her headache disappear. She is unsuccessful, so she simply turns off the light and attempts to get some sleep.

Was it something that he had said to turn her away. What was it about him that wasn't good enough for her? Or was it just that she would never cross that professional line? He had always wondered how she ticked. Why was she such a stickler about some things, and could care less about others? How did she determine what fit into each could think about it and never find a satisfactory answer. He finally falls asleep during the third hour of infomercials. He even thinks of her in his sleep. He dreams of her.

After two hours she lies in bed staring at the ceiling. Her headache taunts her and she gets a feeling of uneasiness about something yet to be defined. Her stomach twists into knots as she tries to think about anything but Nick. She flips over and buries her head in the pillow begging for sleeping, yearning for something very different.


	4. It's Not my Time

Summer starts to fly by, it's the middle of August in no time. One of the hottest August's in the history of Vegas. Catherine meet Brass at a scene in the middle of the dessert.

"Let's get this done as quickly as possible," she tells Greg.

"Ok,"

"Jim the body is over there why are you all the way over here?"

"You'll see," he tells her.

Catherine finds David kneeling by a human skull.

"This is it?"

"No," David shakes his head.

"The rest is over there," he points fifty yards away to drum of some sort.

"The container on the lid says it used to have lard in it."

"The rest of the body is inside?"

"The rest of the remains are inside, and it's was an airtight seal. Cops were out here two weeks ago, some kids were having a party. It wasn't here then."

"So it's been in the dessert..."

"Up to two weeks."

"Lovely," she comments.

"I hope you don't have a weak stomach," he warns.

"David when you've been doing this as long as I have you learn to block it out completely."

"I guess I just haven't gotten there yet," he admits.

"Thanks," she smiles at him.

She walks toward Greg who is taking pictures around the vicinity of the barrel, or drum... the human soup container. Ten yards away the smell hits her like a brick wall. Five yards away her stomach begins to churn. Three yards away, and the smell is too much. She takes off running in the opposite direction. She ducts under the crime scene tape and continues toward Brass.

"Cath you ok?" he asks.

She stops a few feet away from him. He steps away when she starts heaving. When she finishes he waits with a bottle of water. He holds it out as she walks toward him. She takes a sip, and swishes her mouth out. She repeats this several times. Finally she actually drinks some of the water and is able to function again.

"Are you ok?" Brass questions.

"I've never thrown up at a scene, not even in the beginning," she tells him.

"This one is pretty... no one can blame you."

"Greg is keeping it together. I should be ok."

"It's hot, it's been a long week, and that goo, the soup is rank."

She holds her head in her hands. Jim looks over at her. "Catherine are you ok?"

"I'm fine. I just feel a little dizzy."

"You just emptied the entire contents of your stomach," he reminds her.

She finishes the rest of the water. "The show must go on," she tells him.

"Why don't you go home? I'm sure that we could handle things without you for a while."

"I can't. I've got tomorrow off. I have a dentist appointment tomorrow at noon, and an appointment for my annual physical at one thirty."

"Sounds lovely."

"Yeah."

"When was the last time you've been to the dentist?" he asks curiously.

"It's been at least a year," she admits.

"The physical shouldn't be so bad," he tells her.

"Peeing in a cup, getting blood drawn, being poked and prodded, it's great fun. It's how I want to spend my day off."

"I know what you mean," he smiles.

Tuesday August 18th: Catherine makes it to the dentist ten minutes late, after having overslept. After her dentist appointment she rushes to the doctor's office to make her appointment. After several routine questions, and a quick exam he asks for blood and urine samples. She waits in the exam room for nearly an hour. Finally the doctor returns with the information from her blood test.

"Miss Willows you said that you've been feeling fine. Has there been anything out of the ordinary lately?"

"Like what?"

"Anything?"

"Yesterday I threw up at a crime scene... I've never thrown up at a crime scene before. I don't know what came over me to be honest."

"You've been feeling fine otherwise?"

"I..."

"Was yesterday the first time that you've felt sick?"

"I don't know," she shrugs trying to think back.

"Have you been feeling tired lately?"

"I work the graveyard shift I'm always tired."

"Have you felt more tired than usual?"

"I don't know."

"Have you been dizzy or had headaches?"

"Yeah, I guess. Why? Is there something wrong?"

"You're anemic."

"Oh," she nods.

"I'm surprised that you haven't noticed."

"Is that all?"

"Are you in a hurry?"

"I don't get very many days off, so I've got a lot to do."

"I understand that, but I'm not done. Iron deficient anemia can cause a lot of problems in this situation if it isn't treated right."

"In what situation?"

"I'm getting there."

"What's going. Is there something wrong with me?"

"This sort of anemia is very common what concerns me is..."

"Is what?"

"How old are you?"

"I don't see how that's relevant."

"It is very relevant. Miss Willows when was the last time you had sex?"

"Excuse me? I don't see how that has any bearing on this. This is a physical not a gynecological exam."

"I know that, but I am your doctor and..."

"And I'm here for a physical."

"Yes and part of this physical is the results of your blood work."

"Could you please tell me what is going on?"

"I'm not as concerned with the anemia as I am with the other issue," he leads off.

"What other issue?" she asks him.

"This type of anemia is very common among children, teens, and pregnant women..."

"And you're concerned because I don't fit into any of those categories?"

"No. The anemia is something that can be dealt with very easily."

"I'm confused. You said that there is another issue. What is it? Will you please just tell me what's going on? What's wrong with me."

"You're going to be fine," he promises her.

"I'm going to be fine, or I am fine?"

"You are fine. I assure you there is absolutely nothing wrong with you."

"So why are you acting like you're about to give me a death sentence?"


	5. Have a little faith

"Most of the time I don't have this much difficulty telling patients this, but Miss Willows you're pregnant."

Catherine looks at him waiting for a punch-line. He adjusts his glasses. He studies the chart and meets her icy, confused glance. "How long have you been a doctor?" Catherine asks.

"I know that I don't have as much experience as Dr. Greenly did, but I am still a good doctor."

"I think that you've got the wrong test results. I can't be pregnant, I started menopause."

"I know that, but it's still possible to get pregnant even after you start menopause."

Catherine doesn't say anything. The young doctor continues with the conversation.

"I wrote you a prescription for prenatal vitamins. I'd like to do an ultrasound before you leave. It'll just take a minute."

Catherine doesn't say a word. She stares at the doctor waiting for him to tell her that she's on candid camera, or that he's joking... but he doesn't.

"Miss Willows we can do this another day if you want. You'll have to make an appointment with Julie, the receptionist."

"Ok," she nods.

"Here," he hands her a piece of paper, "This is your prescription for prenatal vitamins. You can pick up iron supplement at any grocery store," he tells her.

"Uh huh," she nods.

The doctor leaves and she exits the room too. She stops at the receptionist's desk. Still in shock she tells the brunette receptionist, "I need to make an appointment with Dr. Foster."

"Follow-up?" the twenty-something asks her.

"Uh huh," she answers.

"Ok, the first appointment I have is... September 17th at 10:30, that's a Thursday."

"Ok," Catherine agrees.

The receptionist gives her a card with the appointment written on it. She leaves the doctor's office and heads to the grocery store. After finding a parking spot she calls Lindsey.

"Hello?"

"Hey are you at home?"

"No. I'm still at Hannah's. Can I stay another night?"

"Lindsey it's summer you can stay as long as you want."

"Thanks mom. I've got to go."

"Ok."

"I love you mom, bye."

"Love you too Lindsey," Catherine hangs up and heads into the grocery store.

She picks up dry cleaning drops off a prescription, and then heads home. After a few loads of laundry, some dishes, and a little while vacuuming she decides the she can only put of the inevitable for so long. She tosses the last load of clothes into the dryer and heads to the grocery store. She gets her groceries, making a stop at the pharmacy. On her way to the check out she finds herself standing in front of four million at home pregnancy tests. She grabs one at random and moves on to check out.

When she finally gets all of her groceries put away she heads up the stairs. She makes a beeline to the bathroom. The five minutes that follow seem to take an eternity. She sits on the toilet with the lid closed. After three minutes the timer sounds, but she doesn't move. The test lays on the counter where she had left it. She sits on there by herself trying to rationalize. Hoping that the test would prove that the young, incompetent doctor was...well a young and incompetent doctor who was flat out wrong.

"Catherine this is stupid," she tells herself as she slowly gets up. She stops at the counter and places her palms face down. With her eyes closed she takes a deep breath. When she opens them she just stares into the mirror. She raises her glance, staring at the ceiling, aiming for heaven she asks, "Earlier today was just a joke, right?" Finally she returns to reality. Without looking she uses her right hand to feel for the plastic stick. She wraps her fingers around it and brings it to eye level. She takes her eyes off the mirror and looks down at the life altering piece of plastic. Staring up at her is one little word. Of course she had managed to get a digital pregnancy test, so there was no doubt. With the stick in her hand she shakes her head, "Damnit."

Why couldn't one thing in her life be without strings? Without any complications or consequences? Why was she always be punished? What had she done to deserve this? She showers and tosses on some pajamas. She takes a vitamin, and heads to bed. Before she can even doze off an incredible wave of nausea hits her. She runs to the bathroom, and barely makes it to the toilet. Finally when her stomach is completely empty, three hours later she brushes her teeth twice, rinses with mouthwash and crawls back into bed. Miraculously Catherine doesn't get any calls until six thirty. She answers the phone without opening her eyes.

"Hello?" she yawns.

"Hey Catherine it's Jim."

"What time is it?"

"Six thirty."

"I wondered when you were going to call me."

"We've got a four nineteen in Henderson."

"Ok. I'll be there in a few."

"Take your time."

"Can you do me a favor?"

"Sure what?"

"Will you call Greg?"

"Will you bring me some coffee?"

"I think that I can handle that."

"I like it..."

"Jim I know how you like your coffee," she tells him.

"Are you sure because I get the wrong coffee a lot."

"Have I ever brought you the wrong coffee?"

"No."

"So then why are you worrying about it now?"

"I'm tired."

"Aren't we all?"

"I'll see you in a few," he answers her. She hangs up and crawls out of bed. She grabs an outfit from the closet and throws it on. She then makes a pit-stop in the bathroom to put on make up.

She's putting on make-up when she sees the trash can in the mirror. She puts her eyeliner down and turns around. She stops at the trash can and bends down. She pulls a box off the top. She tips it upside down and a pregnancy test falls out. She takes a seat on the bathtub after discarding the box. With the plastic stick in hand she begins to think. After staring at the stick for several moments her daze breaks. She sighs, and tosses the test back into the trash can. She returns to applying her make up. After she finishes with her make up and her hair she takes a final look in the mirror. She stares at her blue button down. She untucks the shirt. Unsatisfied she tucks it back in. She takes off her black belt and tosses it aside. She pulls on a blazer and buttons the single button in the middle. She unbuttons it and takes it off. Standing in front of the mirror she hears the clock on the wall ticking. She takes a look at her watch.

"Hurry up," she tells herself.

She stands up as straight as humanly possible. It wasn't like there was any difference in her appearance. No one would know, no one but her. She pulls the blazer back on and buttons it on her way down the stairs. She grabs a banana on her way out.

She stops for coffee on the way to the scene, not wanting to forget Jim's coffee. Feeling kind she even gets Greg a cup.


	6. What it Takes

When she gets done with her case she's exhausted, but instead of heading home she stops at the gym. 24 hour fitness was great invention. She had a gym membership, she had the best of intentions. She didn't want to be flabby, but that didn't mean that she had ever used the gym in the year and a half that she had the membership. She grabs her gym bag and heads from her car to the gym. After an hour she's ready to pass out from exhaustion. She heads to the parking lot and then towards home. She takes a quick shower and heads to bed.

After four hours of sleep she finds herself being shaken awake.

"Mom, mom, please wake up."

She opens her eyes and looks at the clock, "Ten more minutes Linds."

"Mom please get up."

"I'm tired."

"You told me that you'd take me school shopping today."

"Lindsey I don't feel like it. I'm so tired."

"Mom come on," the blonde argues.

"Just take the credit card. Keep it within reason."

"No you have to go. This is my last year of high school. This might be the last time you get to go school shopping with me."

"Ok," she agrees crawling out of bed.

After two hours of shopping Catherine is tired. After three she's exhausted, and after a quick lunch she's cranky, and irritable. Lindsey is trying on her fifth pair of flats.

"Do you like these ones better?" She asks her mother.

"They all look fine," Catherine answers.

"But which pair looks better?"

"Lindsey they all look the same to me."

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine why?"

"You're just so cranky. Did I do something to upset you?"

"No you didn't do anything. I'm just tired."

"You're always tired, you aren't usually this cranky though."

"I'm sorry Lindsey."

"I think I'm going to get the black ones, then we can go home."

"Ok," Catherine agrees more than a little bit relieved.

Catherine stops at a stop sign two blocks from home thinking about how nice it would be to have a nap. She looks both ways, twice and continues on to the next stop sign. Her phone starts ringing. Lindsey hands it to her.

"Hello?" she answers as she turns down her street.

"Cath, it's Brass. We've got a DB in the parking garage of the Tangier's."

"Ok. I'll be there in a few," she hangs up the phone.

She pulls into the driveway at her house and stops the car, but doesn't turn it off. "Lindsey do you need help with all of those?"

"No I can handle it. Are you going to work?"

"Unfortunately."

"Sorry."

"For what?"

"That I made you go shopping, and..."

"Why are you sorry?"

"Because you were miserable the whole time," she answers.

"I wasn't. I'm just very tired. I think that all my years of sleep deprivation is starting to catch up with me."

Lindsey grabs the last bag and Catherine uses the garage door opener to open the door. She makes sure that Lindsey gets herself, and her many shopping bags into the garage, and then closes the door. She checks her make-up in the mirror and then puts the car into reverse. She watches carefully as she backs out of her driveway.

When she arrives at the scene Jim is waiting on her along with Nick. She grabs her kit and heads over to them.

"Victim is thirty four year old Grace Whitmore," Jim announces as he leads them to the car.

They find David standing next to the car. Catherine sees the woman in the backseat.

"Brass who is the car registered to?"

"It's her car."

"So why is she in the backseat?"

"It's your job to find out," he answers.

She rolls her eyes and begins processing the scene. The case, and the day drags on. Finally she decides to head home. She's headed to the parking lot when Nick spots her.

"Hey Cath?"

"Yeah?" she turns around.

"A few of us were thinking about going out you wanna come?"

"I'm going to have to pass. I'm exhausted. I just want to go home take a shower, and crawl into bed."

"How old are you?"

"Excuse me?" she raises an eyebrow.

"You sound like you're an eighty year old woman Cath."

"I do not. Lindsey got me up early..."

"And your bedtime is eight o'clock," he jokes.

"Joke all you want, but I'm going home and going to bed."

"Alright," he smirks.

And Catherine does exactly what she had planned when she gets home. She takes a shower and slips into bed. She's barely been asleep two hours when something wakes her up. She opens her eyes and listens to the noise. She rolls her eyes and crawls out of bed. She looks out the window and sees the trash truck at the curb. She shakes her head and rolls her eyes. She yawns and crawls back into bed. An hour and a half hour later she wakes up again to the smell of coffee just before day break. There was something about that smell. She rushes out of bed landing with her head in the toilet. After a thorough face washing, and a few rounds with an electric toothbrush she is able to leave the bathroom. She wonders down the stairs to find her daughter in the kitchen.

"Lindsey what are you doing? It's," she looks at her watch, "ten til six."

"I know. Emma will be here in ten minutes."

"Where are you going?"

"You don't remember?"

"Remember what?"

"We're going to Phoenix. You told me that it was ok."

"Yeah... I guess that..."

"Are you ok? Did I wake you up?"

"I'm fine..." Catherine answers.

"You look really pale."

"Have fun, be careful. I'm going back to bed."

"Ok. Love you mom."

"Love you too," Catherine tells her as she heads toward the stair case.

She finds herself in bed unable to sleep. She flips on the T.V., but there isn't anything on. She gets dressed and heads to the gym.


End file.
